26. hot and bored. or bored and hot.

my internet was down for over a day and a half. i ended up having a 'weeds' marathon. i have watched season 1 and 2. i just started season 3 when my lovely internet came back.

now i shouldn't really complain because after all, i have been picking up on a signal in my building since november and don't pay for it.

as i start to feel better with each passing day, i find myself bored and itching to get out of the house. however, i have a bit of a problem...and i am not sure if it is related to the medication i am on for the c-diff.

i am experiencing a bit of agoraphobia. when i go out for walks i have mini panic attacks. not fun. my panic attacks cause me to look jerky and sketched out so if people are watching me i must look like i am on some freaky ass drugs.

i am hoping they are related to the c-diff meds...cuz a side affect is dizziness...but i am also wondering if it could be that my mind has been use to living in such a high state of anxiety and fear over the past 2 years...and now that it is gone, i think my brain is still possibly firing off shots of adrenaline out of habit.

either way, i fight it and get out of the house...but it really sucks.

another awful thing is i have been experiencing horrendous night sweats. they were so bad that while i was in the hospital the nurse would have to change my bedding and gown. they are really bad at home too and on friday night i had to change my undies 3 times!!! fortunately i have a queen size bed so i would switch sides and flip my duvet and pillows....and by the time the 3rd and 4th ones came around the drenched sides had dried.

things seemed to ease off a lot last night...so i am hoping it is the end of them. having a decent nights rest really contributes to my well-being the next day.

aside from all the above suckiness, i am actually feeling really fantastic. i have been doing my stretches which have really loosened up my chest area and given me more mobility. i even made really good banana oatmeal muffins today.

look for a photo update tomorrow night...pending an internet connection. i want to post some new ones now that the drains are out and most of the bruising is gone.