3. clarity

yesterday was such a low, low day. and yes, they do come once in a while. i know they can be scary and intimidating and worrisome for other people but for me it is at these times that i get clarity while working through the emotions. today was a brighter day.

this is going to deviate a little bit from the PBM journey as some of you expressed concern over my troubling experience with the assault. well, today i met with a social worker who is helping me navigate the whole court system. she really helped me to understand more fully what happened and how i was taken advantage of. i've been having times where i was blaming myself but deep down inside i knew this did not sit right.

just having someone take the time to validate me and validate what i am experiencing was so helpful and renewing to my broken spirit. she is going to advocate for me and is going to get me connected either with a legal aid or a pro-bono lawyer so that i can move forward and charge the guy in addition to the police charges. i may even be able to get some financial restitution back due to the emotional, physical, and financial desolation i have found myself in.

additionally, she is able to make a referral from herself to a psychologist/psychiatrist to get me the emotional support the i need in the here and now. so i just wanted to communicate this to you so you know that i am not completely left hanging in the balance.

also, i do not think for me that it is an option to delay surgery because of this. my fear of breast cancer trumps all of this...it has already been an agonizing 2 year journey and i would be damned if i got breast cancer cuz i delayed this surgery due to what this man did to me. it seems to me that, that would give him way more power than he should have ever had in the first place.

k, nuff for now. i am working on an english paper and the words are flowing so back to it i go.