36. 6 1/2 weeks with expanders - not so bad

well it has been 6 1/2 weeks since my surgery. the first 4 weeks were pretty rough and i feared that i was going to be in a lot of pain through out having endured a pretty painful first fill.

well i am happy to say that my last fill almost a couple of weeks ago was virtually painless. i do not have another scheduled fill till june 15th (i am assuming the 1 month wait is due to p.s. going on holidays or the schedule was full). then i will have another fill 2 weeks after june 15th on june 29th.

to look at me straight on i look like a decent size but when i look at myself in the mirror sideways i lack projection. so i imagine i will have a few more fills after my other scheduled visits. also, the p.s. wants to over-expand me by 100 cc`s over and above the desired size to achieve a more natual droop.

i tried on some bra`s today at wal-mart to get an idea of where i am at. i am a 34a. i tried a 34b on but the cups were still loose. i would like to be on the larger size of 34b...so in between a 34b/34c. i am hoping with this size that i will not look so skinny and that this will still be a realistic size.

here is a list of things i can do in the past couple of weeks:

• swim (i went swimming in the river. i could dog paddle a bit but can not do the breast stroke yet. in the deep waters i would still be in trouble if i had to swim to save my life.)
• sleep on my stomach. yes!!! i can sleep comfortably on my stomach with expanders. i just have a lot of blankets stuffed under my chest area for padding. I AM A STOMACH SLEEPER so now i have been getting a better nights rest.
• wear a 2 piece bikini
• drive
• go the whole day with out a nap
• work!!! i do a lot of child care and i am able to do all of my regular duties
• lift - i am able to lift 3 year olds and also a case of 24 water bottles with out any pain or difficulty

i`ve also started using bio-oil on my scars and moisturizing my entire foobs with cocoa butter. the skin is still very dry. i try to lightly exfoliate in the shower with a wash cloth but it is still weird due to lack of sensation and i am worried i will rub to hard. i alternate between using baby soap and spectro gel as cleansers for my foobs too.

i don`t have any pictures because everything looks the same since the last ones i posted. i will perhaps try to get some pictures in of my foobs in a bathing suit. i bought a cute hot pink string bikini today for $10.00!!! i must say i use to be a small on top but now with the foobs i am a medium.

oh yeah...i also won one of the giveaways on green and crunchy!!! i was so excited to visit and see my name as 4th on the list. i will write a review on my blog of the miessence products from organicololgy when i get a chance to try them out. i encourage you to check them out as their products are all certified organic. the site also does a great job of educating the reader on the dangers in everyday household and beauty products.

35. an unrelated blog i like to follow...yet related

i sometimes need motivation to stay on my "green" and healthy lifestyle. i really like Green and Crunchy. i was reading a post today about how products we "think" are safe are still full of carcinogenics. boo. did you know that one third of all personal care products contain one or more ingredients classified as possible human carcinogens. for anyone who is interested, green and curnchy provides a link to ONEgroup which explores this and offers safe alternatives.

here is another interesting link i got from green and crunchy's blog post: http://thinkbeforeyoupink.org/

Fast Food for the Cure?

With their new “Buckets for the Cure” campaign, KFC and Susan G. Komen for the Cure are telling us to buy unhealthy food to cure a disease that kills women. It’s preposterous! Read our response to the campaign.

Make no mistake–every pink bucket purchase will do more to benefit KFC’s bottom line than it will to cure breast cancer. Tell KFC and Susan G. Komen for the Cure to rethink this pinkwashing partnership.

the above blip shows why i sometimes find the pink ribbon campaign so nauseating!

34. Fill #2 - 34 days post-op

I GOT MY PATHOLOGY RESULTS BACK TODAY. COMPLETELY CLEAR!!! I HAD NO CANCEROUS OR PRE-CANCEROUS CHANGES. i did have fibro-cystic breast changes but this was already painfully obvious over the past few years!

i've had a spectatular week. 4 days of birthday celebrations. i am worn out now. i was in hamilton from friday to tuesday. i am home now and enjoying my new furniture suite i bought myself for my birthday!

i went for my 2nd fill today. a resident was part of the team this time around so i had both sides filled up at the same time! if i remember correctly i received 60 cc's in my right breast and 80 cc's in my left. this brings me to a total of 200 cc's in my right breast and 170 cc's in my left. lefty is slowly catching up.

i mentioned the amount of pain i was in to the plastic surgeon my last fill. i requested something for pain and he wrote me a new script for percoset. so far i still feel great since the fill and only took one for the 2 hour ride home. i haven't had to take anything since 2pm. to be safe i will take one before i go to bed.

my stitches/scabs all came out a few days ago. very exciting! i am ditching the scarves now too as i do not feel i need to conceal my small chest. i am already rocking a tank top. i am starting to feel now that my blog title is inappropriate as i do not really feel that i have "lost my boobs". and as you can see from the pics...i am definitely "gaining boobs". both times i have had a fill i have had to laugh at disbelief...and a little bit of joy to see mounds on my chest.

i am not sure how large or small i am going to go. i did find out today that my expanders are 350 cc's. however they will accommodate much more cc's than that. i am thinking 350 cc's might be a good size. we'll see. i don't want to go too large cuz i have a very tiny frame and i still have hopes of one day being able to sleep on my stomach again.

here are todays pics...at 34 days post op! i had my fill about 8 hours ago from these pics.










close-up left nipple


close up right nipple

33. not thirty three

i forgot about posting yesterday. i said i would make a minor announcement.

i turned 34 yesterday! happy birthday to me! and for my birthday i had a pain free day...i was even able to finally vacuum my flat after not being able to do so for over a month. can we say yuck...cuz i have 3 cats.

i bought myself a new to me furniture set. it is the first time i have ever had 3 piece matching set...and matching cushions too.

this weekend is filled with birthday celebrations. i am having such a great couple of days and the weather is getting warmer for the weekend too.

i plan to have a blast while i can cuz i am worried tuesday's fill will bring some pain and i will have to rest and do nothing for a bit. for now i am going to live it up!!!

32. it's been a month

it has been 4 weeks/one month-ish since my pbm.

so far the journey is a roller coaster...as expected.

i can have a couple of bad days and then a good day. so far it is mostly bad days and a good day...but i hope soon that it will mostly be good days with the odd bad day.

i think i mentioned that i have lost most of my mobility with the first fill. i am trying to get my posture back as i have been hunched over like an old lady for the past week. i noticed an improvement/decrease in pain over the past few days by rolling my shoulders back and pushing my chest out. it actually causes a nice stretch which feels good.

i was sleeping on my sides quite comfortable at 12 days post op but was not able to for almost a week after my first fill.

i have my 2nd fill schedule for next tuesday - may 18th. i am nervous that this is going to set me back a week again in terms of mobility and pain. on the other hand...i am also hoping that instead that it will ease some of the pain as the expanders start to fill out to a more rounder shape instead of the pokey jutting into my skin and muscles expanders they are right now.

btw...a minor announcement tomorrow. stay tuned!

31. ouch

this is giving me endless pain and misery. it is part of the expander. the ps says it is perfectly normal and that it will ease up as i get fills...but by god...all i want to do is yell fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!! but that won't help.

i am to massage it and push it in too with hopes of diminishing it. it does help with the pain but i can't push it in all day and when i ease off it hurts like a fucker again.

sorry about the language.

i also typed this post with one hand.

30. Fill #1 - 3 weeks post-op

i feel pretty raw today. not fun at all. i have been lazing around for most of the day. not much energy. i think being in pain really takes it toll on the body.

here are some pics i took today...22 days post op. i am surprised at the amount of moles i have...i never really noticed until these picture. i wish i had creamy white skin like nicole kidman. i wonder if i completely avoid the sun for the rest of my life if they would all go away???

29. go go gadget boobs

i had my first fill yesterday. it was definitely an interesting experience. it was nerve wracking seeing the needle...and i am not squeamish by any means but i had to close my eyes the entire procedure.

the initial fill was not painful at all. however, i was in significant pain shortly after and was in enough pain that i could not sleep well or comfortably even with a quarter pill of oxycontin/percoset.

i came to the conclusion today that part of the issue with pain was because i wore a surgical bra and because i am partially numb i could not tell that it was digging into my ribs. i figured that out when i took it off and took a shower and felt some relief. i got the go a head from the plastic surgeon that i do not need to wear it...i can go bra free!

i tolerated 80 cc's of saline in each expander. that puts me at 140 cc's in the right expander and 90 cc's in the left (the left is less due to having 50 cc's removed shortly after surgery due to a collapsed lung. fluid was removed to ease the pressure on my lung thus preventing a chest tube.) the asymmetry is not that noticeable.

the plastic surgeon warned me that when i sat up and looked down that i would be significantly bigger. i was surprised at how much bigger i looked and spent the rest of the day shooting off text message puns to all my friends. my favorite one being "go go gadget boobs!"

today i had my follow up with the breast surgeon who performed the mastectomy to get pathology results. they are not in yet. boo! anyways, she said if i preferred she could call me with the results since i live 2 hours away. i said this was fine and if anything shows up we will book an appointment. otherwise, i do not need to see her until next year!!! btw, she was very impressed with my results.

i am pretty beat today so i will not be posting pics until tomorrow. i do not have the energy...and i gotta listen to my body.

28. fill 'er up

going for my first fill tomorrow. i am excited and nervous. i am excited to start making progress but nervous about being in pain as i am relatively pain free now.


i also have my follow up with the breast surgeon on wednesday regarding pathology. this of course is nerve wracking too. i am sure i will be fine though.

pics to follow in a few days!