Thursday, October 28, 2010

61. zombie boob land. happy halloween.

some days, this is how i feel. lol. at least, this is how my foobs feel some days.

Friday, October 22, 2010

60. boobs. boobies. foobs. foobies. breasts. breasts. breasts. this. is. a. test!

i thought i would be strategic about my blog title to see if i can generate extra hits by using specific boob words. michele, over at courage is my strength says that she gets a significant increase in traffic when she uses boobs in her blog title.

i have been following the scar project on facebook and have been completely touched in profound ways with the photography of david jay. many of the photos have brought tears to my eyes and drawn out emotions i did not know existed. i have also been given this sense of empowerment through the photos. his photos are another reminder that i am not alone.

i was feeling envious the other day, wishing i could be part of the scar project when i spontaneously decided to do a self shoot. i have been feeling extremely self conscious of the way my foobs look now since my final fill this past sept. 29th, but wanted to change that perception and embrace my journey. this struggle and rock hard foobs won't last forever and i wanted to take pictures to honor this time and to be able to reflect on it when it becomes the past and far distant memory.

i would like to share some of my favourite shots that i took.

if you are wondering how the photos were taken, i started by placing my camera on a tripod and changing the settings to shoot a picture on a 10 second timer. i turned on my bedroom light and brought in 2 additional lamps - one for each side of the bed. i also pinned up a white sheet on the wall behind me.

i would like to do another shoot sometime where a friend is shooting so we can pay closer attention to composition, poses, and facial expressions. it was hard having to press the shutter release button, get back on the bed, think of a pose, do the pose, and get a good facial expression all in 10 seconds.

i hope you enjoy the pictures. they are meant to be artsy and not pornographic or sleazy.

the last picture is my absolute favourite.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

59. post pbm exercise

i meant to share these a long time ago, but that involved getting my ass up off the couch and scanning them in.

i wanted to share what my breast surgeon gave me as post mastectomy exercises. they won't apply to everyone and you need to check with your surgeon before you do these. some of you have had necrotic tissue from your surgeries, and these exercises may be a big no, no.

in posting these i want to state that i take no responsibility if you incur injury or complication due to doing these exercises. CHECK WITH YOUR SURGEON FIRST!

ok, now that all the legal stuff is out of the way, i want to say that i did my exercises everyday except once until i got full range back after about a month or so. the one day that i did not do the exercises, i just laid around and slept. i felt like complete shit the next day and extra sore and for me, these were key in my recovery.

i am also sharing the exercises i was given that i was to start doing immediately following surgery. they are to help prevent blood clots after surgery.

you can click on each image below to enlarge.

Friday, October 15, 2010

58. working on another blog post

but for now i thought i would share some disappointing news...

i am disappointed that my fridge magnets do not stick to my ports on my expanders. that could have made for some fun times and interesting conversations :P

Thursday, October 7, 2010

57. you've come a long way, baby!

thought i would show you the progression of fills from

before surgery - healing - expansions

i had 7 official fills, but started off with a pre-fill from surgery. i think it is pretty cool to see the changes over time. this was a 5.5 month process. hard to believe!!!

[click to enlarge]
and here is the above in colour. i like the b&w better because it doesn't show the nuances in colour change. so hard to match up lighting over a 6 month period.

[click to enlarge]

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

56. finally

our family finally has an appointment to get my grandmother's brca testing results. it has taken almost 2 years. i am slightly bitter to say the least. the appointment date is november 8, 2010 at 3pm.

it is part of my doing that this has finally come to fruition. i poked and prodded my genetics counselor to get in contact with my grandmother's genetic counselor at a different clinic to see what the heck was going on. i also did this 6 months ago with no avail, but i was very firm and expressed my frustration with how the system was here in canada this time and that i think it has been unacceptable how things have been processed. i did this of course, with respect.

as for me. it is taking a lot longer to bounce back from my last fill. i think massive nerve regeneration is going on with my nipples and the pain has become almost unbearable. the narcs have been helping a lot, but i don't want to have to rely on them so i sometimes try not to take them, and then i am completely miserable.

even soaking in the bath and the movement of water has been excruciating. don't even get me started on clothing. today seems to be a bit of a turning point. i feel like the pain has lifted a little and i am wondering if it is because i had an epic sleep last night and slept most of the day. i didn't really give my body the recoup time it needed over the weekend with proper rest, so i am doing that now.

i am able to sleep on my sides again, however, changing from one side to the other is very painful and of course the meds wear off in the middle of the night.

i keep trying to putter away and be as positive as much as possible. it is really hard...and it is really hard knowing i am being a downer...but, when people ask how i am doing, am i suppose to lie? i'm not really good at faking. i am glad i have my grandparents to confide in.

Friday, October 1, 2010

55. fill #7 photos - 5.5 months post-op

i had my last fill this yesterday. can we say OUCH! things look completely freakish now and i don't know whether i should laugh or cry. how about a little bit of both.

i've been taking pain meds around the clock and i am pretty zoned out. hopefully things will settle down in the next few days so i don't need to take them regularly.

i may be waiting for exchange longer than i had hoped. if it ends up conflicting with school, i may have to wait until march (reading week) to schedule surgery. i can't believe i might have to deal with these coconuts for possibly another 6 months.

my can do/can't do is pretty much the same as last time, except that at the moment i can only sleep on my back because it is painful to sleep on my sides. i can really feel that the skin is being stretched to the max.

here are the pics. again, this will not be the final result and i am over-filled 100 cc's from what my final size will be. probably 350 cc's or if possible, 375 cc's implants.

Left Side: 440 cc's
Right side: 460 cc's