56. finally

our family finally has an appointment to get my grandmother's brca testing results. it has taken almost 2 years. i am slightly bitter to say the least. the appointment date is november 8, 2010 at 3pm.

it is part of my doing that this has finally come to fruition. i poked and prodded my genetics counselor to get in contact with my grandmother's genetic counselor at a different clinic to see what the heck was going on. i also did this 6 months ago with no avail, but i was very firm and expressed my frustration with how the system was here in canada this time and that i think it has been unacceptable how things have been processed. i did this of course, with respect.

as for me. it is taking a lot longer to bounce back from my last fill. i think massive nerve regeneration is going on with my nipples and the pain has become almost unbearable. the narcs have been helping a lot, but i don't want to have to rely on them so i sometimes try not to take them, and then i am completely miserable.

even soaking in the bath and the movement of water has been excruciating. don't even get me started on clothing. today seems to be a bit of a turning point. i feel like the pain has lifted a little and i am wondering if it is because i had an epic sleep last night and slept most of the day. i didn't really give my body the recoup time it needed over the weekend with proper rest, so i am doing that now.

i am able to sleep on my sides again, however, changing from one side to the other is very painful and of course the meds wear off in the middle of the night.

i keep trying to putter away and be as positive as much as possible. it is really hard...and it is really hard knowing i am being a downer...but, when people ask how i am doing, am i suppose to lie? i'm not really good at faking. i am glad i have my grandparents to confide in.