Monday, September 20, 2010

53. sick

i have a wicked head cold.

i've set up camp in my living room and semi-permanently planted myself in front of my laptop which also moonlights as my television. today has been completely unproductive since i have spent the entire day watching season 5 of nip/tuck.

i don't know if i am a big baby or just forget how crummy surgery recovery was, but this feels way worse than when i was recovering from my mastectomy (minus the c-diff experience). my entire body hurts-my skin and bones hurt and my face feels like it is going to explode from the sinus congestion.

hopefully, i will feel better soon. it is inevitable of course. i just want to get back to my school work and writing my intro to a book i am doing with Dr. Jonathan Herman and Teri, but this cold has made me completely unambitious.

on another note, i have had to make the agonizing decision to put my beloved pet Gunther down. it will most likely be in the next week or so when i can afford to have him put down humanely in my home. Gunther is my 14 year old feline. he was diagnosed with diabetes about 3 years ago and has been insulin dependent ever since. he requires an injection of insulin once in the morning and once in the evening.

in the past 6 months he has gone down hill, and become mostly blind. this past week had been tough as it seems he is losing more and more function over his bodily functions, so it appears his kidneys are starting to give up the fight.

i am sure this is going to be a really difficult time for me to let him go and grieve his absence. he's been a good friend for a long time and cuddled with me through all of the changes in my life and the trials. we had a scare a few years ago, right around the time i was going for my first biopsy and i cried and cuddled with him and told him that he had to be around to comfort me through the cancer scares. after 2 weeks of syringe feedings and getting him regulated again with the insulin he graciously stuck around for 2 1/2 more years. what a trooper to be there for me. i gonna miss him so much.


  1. what a beautiful furbaby. I'm sorry for all that you will go through when you let him go. My Ernie is 21 and showing signs of decline. I have a feeling I'll be in your shoes before too long. Hugs for you, sweetie.

  2. Rach I had to put my 17 yr old kitty to sleep last summer. I am not going to lie it was the hardest thing I have ever had to was even harder then my pbm. It sounds odd, but it was the easiest decision I ever made to put lucky to sleep, but the hardest thing to do. My kitty had kidney failure, we kept him alive for an extra 5 months with fluid injections, but eventually he just went downhill, and I knew it was time. Be comforted in knowing it is the most humane way to die. So very peaceful. I will be thinking about you during this time. Try to think of all the good times together. I have no regrets putting him to sleep because he was in pain, and suffering...and I only could wish if I was in that position that I had the same option.
    Here is an amazing poem my Mum sent me when I had put Lucky to sleep. I hope although it may bring tears to your eyes, that it also makes you smile.

    Rainbow Bridge
    Just this side of Heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an
    animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet
    goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our
    special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of
    food, water and sunshine and our friends are warm and comfortable.
    All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and
    vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong
    again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times
    gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small
    thing: they each miss someone very special, someone who was left
    They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly
    stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; his
    eager body begins to quiver. Suddenly, he breaks from the group,
    flying over the green grass, faster and faster. You have been
    spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling
    together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses
    rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and
    you look once more into those trusting eyes, so long gone from your
    life, but never absent from your heart.
    Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together...