Saturday, September 11, 2010

52. fill #6 photos - 5 months post-op

everything can change in an instant!

i just got accepted to college today!!! i totally wasn't expecting it. i am still working on upgrading biology and i figured i had missed the cut off date for my grades to be in, but apparently, my average is already good enough. i am totally ecstatic! it also feels a little surreal, and like a miracle just happened. i really didn't expect to be going to school so soon...i thought i was going to have to reapply for september 2011. now, i will be going this january 2011!!! i am taking nursing.

i will also be moving back to my home city! i am so excited. i miss living in the city and my friends...and also a lot of the great people i was just cultivating friendships with. i am so excited to see these new friendships have a chance to blossom. i am so excited to surround myself with positive people who are encouraging and have their 'shit' together. i feel that i am at an exciting point in my life and it is taking shape and direction.

this is such a drastic change from my last couple of posts. i was feeling really down with my situation...being stuck 'up north' in back country with minimal interaction with people. the friendships i did try to make turned sour and were a real let down. i am glad for some great opportunities that i did experience up here though. it wasn't all bad. i really got to connect with family here and realized that they are really loving and supporting. i also met some great families with even greater children and it was such a joy to be able to tend to the children by babysitting them. this really reinforced something i had forgotten: i really love children!!!

this past tuesday, i had a fill. fill #6. i bit the bullet and said to myself that i would try to go for 60 cc's in each foob. i did. it has been extremely painful and for the first day, i had to take percoset every four hours around the clock. i am taking them now, intermittently, and always at night before i go to bed. i didn't take any all day today, but have still been in a lot of pain. however, i was still able to fix my grandmother's computer, go to the dollar store, and have dinner with my sister. so i am still able to function.

here are the stats with the 60 cc's added to both sides:

Left Side: 400 cc's
Right side: 420 cc's

so next fill i will only need 40 cc's in each side because this past fill was the first part of the 100 cc overfill. only one fill left to go, then i get the expanders swapped out for the final implant. phew. i am so looking forward to this.

can do:as i am more fully expanded i am experiencing more pain, depression, an anxiety. this is normal. i mentioned it to my plastic surgeon and he said this is typical with his patients. i already assumed this too, but i wanted him to be aware of what i was experiencing.

  • still sleep on my sides
  • run regular errands
  • drive a car
  • still experience a regular libido
  • be intimate with my partner

can't do:

  • sleep on my stomach.
  • hug. this has become extremely uncomfortable. people now notice how 'hard' my chest is. i hugged my sister and she was super surprised...we did have a laugh about it though.
  • pick up kids. i will be babysitting in the morning and if i am feeling the same level of pain i am now, i will not be able to pick the youngest one up. we'll still have lots of fun though!
  • roll over in bed from one side to the other side with out pain. actually, it is quite excruciating changing positions in bed. and getting up from the couch. dressing into clothes isn't a problem though.
so where am i pain wise:
i will demonstrate some of it in pictures...but right now, i feel like i have permanent bruising in my armpits going down to my ribs...but there are no bruises there. the skin hurts to touch.

my skin is so tight, that my nipples feel like they are going to rip open at any moment. of course they look just fine so i know this won't happen but they are probably what hurt the most right now. i know this sucks, but the fact that i can feel my nipples is perhaps a good thing. it means nerve regeneration and possible return of sensation.

the expanders are so 'rock hard' now that when i am sitting they rest on my rib cage, dig in, and leave read marks on my skin as if i were wearing a bra.

i feel like i have indigestion because of the pressure on my lungs. deep breathes aggravate the sensation.

my back also hurts because of how the muscles in front are being stretched and pulled.

on with the pics...

things are starting to look a little funny with the expanders. less and less symmetry. this is completely normal and will not be the final result.

notice the red marks the expanders leave on my skin. it looks like i was wearing a bra, when in fact, i don't wear bras anymore. just tank tops.
i like the projection. you can barely see the scar from the drain now. they are both fading nicely.

the area in red is wear the skin feels like it is bruised. it is tender to the touch. i have been experiencing this since my last fill.

as you can see the incision directly in the areola are healing up nicely. you almost cannot see them. the scarring that is more prominent will be minimized during the second surgery and will hopefully be just as thin as the areola incisions.


  1. Another excellent post. I'm so happy and proud of you for getting into nursing school! I love how you have hope back in your life! I had become quite worried about you!

    I know I say this repeatedly, but yours is one of the best blogs out there, and is so incredibly helpful to those who are either about to go through the same thing, or are going through it, but at a different stage.

    Thank you for sharing of yourself so openly!

    Best of luck to you in your endeavors! Love ya, girl!


  2. Yay!! I am soo happy for you. Congrats on Nursing school!! :)
    I told you things would start looking up!
    On another note, you look fabulous!! Look forward to seeing the finally result after exchange. It must feel so great to be so close to the end of all of this, and being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel!! Woo hoo to Jan!! When this will all be behind you, and you can focus on your future! :) <3

  3. Thank you so much for your blog too Rachel. I am so looking forward to you coming back to your hometown, hopefully we can meet up! I would love to meet you in person.
    Your writing is very inspiring.