44. 3 months post op pbm

wow! i can't believe it's been 3 months since my mastectomy...and yet, it feels like a long time ago.

i am mostly 100% pain free, however i do notice a bit of achy-ness when the weather is severely humid. and we have had a lot of that...43 degrees Celsius the one day. that translates to 109 degrees Fahrenheit!!!

fortunately, on the hottest days, my friends and i escaped to the lake and floated in bliss keeping cool and drinking lots of water. the first day we went to the lake i was really cautious and swam with a noodle. the second time we went, i surprised myself and attempted to dive off a raft and swim! success! i still have expanders but am able to swim! i don't have much endurance yet, so i always made sure my noodle was close by.

i would like to comment that this past month i have noticed that i am happy! i am happy! i can't believe it. i guess living under a shroud of fear for the past 2 years took an immense toll. i mentioned before that i was in counseling and i also took part in an 18 month behavioral group therapy program but i think the fear of breast cancer prevented me from grasping the new concepts and adopting them fully to my lifestyle.

with the immense weight of breast cancer lifted, i noticed early on post surgery that life was different--better. i noticed my new behavioral tools kicking in and i have adopted a new way of dealing with stressful and difficult decisions. the world is no longer bleak. i don't feel alone. i have so much hope for the future.

:)

here is my CAN and CAN'T Do list for 3 months post-op. keep in mind that i am still in expansion phase.


THINGS I CAN DO 3 MONTHS POST OP

1. swim (i can probably tread water for about 5 minutes, do the breast stroke, and back stroke.)

2. dive off a raft (and still lose my bottoms!)

3. jump off a raft to try and "touch bottom" of the lake

4. run

5. drive standard - a.k.a. stick shift

6. french braid my hair in 2 braids like the dutch girl that i am


THINGS I CAN'T DO 3 MONTHS POST-OP

1. chin ups (i thought i could do this last list, but i started to attempt it but it didn't feel right so i didn't force it.)

2. wear a bra for more than a couple of hours (it gets too uncomfortable)

3. sleep on my stomach - since my last expansion i am too large to sleep comfortably on my stomach. i still get a good nite's rest though by sleeping on my sides

4. feel confident with a man with my shirt off in an intimate situation (yeesh...i know this will come in time as the scars fade and the final surgery is done...but what a mood breaker. i refused for them to be touched...they feel so freakish. i am sure he would/and was fine with it, but i was just so damn self conscious and didn't make for a very enjoyable experience. lights off...nuff said.)


i also wanted to mention that i have a little fear. i fear that my permanent implants won't look as good as my expanders...cuz let's face it...my foobs are looking pretty stellar! i really like the projection i am getting and how they look straight on. i also have great cleavage. i know my surgeon will be using the mentor high profiles, so i really shouldn't worry...but i can't help it sometimes. i will be sure to mention that i like the look of things and hope that we can maintain it with the final surgery other than correcting a bit of unevenness and bottoming out. i think he is going to raise things up a bit ever so slightly and i know he is a perfectionist with attention to detail.

hope you enjoyed my post and found it informative!