Sunday, May 8, 2011

90. holes

it's mother's day today. another day where i feel the emptiness and loss of my mother. even after 19 years there is still a hole. the sense that i am missing out on something special. a heaviness in my heart.

while many were getting up early to take their mother's out for brunch i was curled up in my bed. i know that on days like today her death still weighs on my heart, depresses my soul.

i couldn't get myself out of bed till 3pm.


what's even harder is that i can't even articulate what i feel inside. words can't describe the loss. the holes. the emptiness. the sadness mixed with numbness. the ever evolving feelings of grief.

i even more saddened knowing i am not the only one who experiences this today. my arms are extended out to my community and all the women and men on here who have lost their mother's to the terrible disease of breast or ovarian cancer.

1 comment:

  1. Sorry about your mom. I'm sure she is keeping an eye on you, and is very proud of you and everything you have accomplished and gone through. I'm lucky to still have my mom, and can't pretend to even imagine what life would be like without her. So, I feel for you, and hope you find some comfort knowing she's always with you, and pulling for you when things get rough.